Lilian's Thoughts

I went to sit at the 7 eleven again, after work..

Alone again..

I choose to sit at a place far away from my workplace..

I am egoistic..

I wan ppl to remember me as the smiling, cheerful Lilian..

I am selfish..

I dun allow ppl to see the emo side of Lilian..

Sometimes, u just need to be alone..

Sometimes, u just need to have a peace of mind..

Suddenly I'm so in love with rainy days..

The aftermath of rainy days..

The cool breeze..

The quiet surrounding..

The stressed up me..

"God... Pls bless tat I get the job tat I wan.."

"God.. Pls bless me with a job soon.."

I thought to myself..

Can the frowning be brought away as the wind blows??

Can the stress be brought away as the wind blows??

If I could make a wish..

I wan my parents to be smiling 24/7..

I dun like to see them frowning..

Frowning over the business..

Frowning over debts..

Frowning over money...

Struggling to get up every morning, no matter how tired they are..

Struggling to get good business everyday..

Struggling to meet ends everyday, every month..

God..

Send an angel to them..

The angel shall be the one to take over the business from them..

So I can see a smile =) on their faces..

I'm not trying to act as a filial daughter..

I am not one..

But I am trying to be one..

It hurts to see my mum's swollen legs..

It hurts to see my dad falling sick..

I wish everything could be over as soon as possible..

No matter wat we will be doing in future...

Wat I wan is my parents to be healthy and happy..

So tat I can see a smile on their faces 24/7..

=)

I know I shouldnt be expecting anything from u anymore..

I know we can never be like before...

U seems to have moved on..

I know I am still trying to move on..

Part of me, knows I should have given up..

Yet the other part of me, still cant seem to give up...

I tossed a coin today..

God, give me another hint pls..

And all attempts shows only one result..

"Carry on, Lilian... Secretly.."

But I have no more strength to carry on..

I find it hard to pretend..

I find it hard to forget..

I know tat U will be happier to remain like this..

Just normal friends..

I tried my best but I cant forget..

If only, someone can tell u how I feel right now..

I was the one who initiated the thought of being just friends..

Yet I am still struggling to treat u as one..

=(