I got freaking results for my O level chinese...

Today woke up in the morning.. dun feel anything though today is the release of o level chinese result.. maybe I am too over confident of my chinese that I tink I will get wat I wanted.. I reached school in the morning.. everyone seems to be kind of mormal.. no one seems to worry.. the day went on peacefully and normally.. I thought I will also be one of those who do well.. until the chinese lesson.. Miss Low came in and she looked rather happy.. she said that there are 4 Aces in our class.. 100% passed.. that maybe great.. I was rather happy cos I thought I will get A1.. Miss Low did not seem to worry.. when she say 2 A1.. ppl all thought I maybe one of them.. everything seems to be rather smooth.. 12.10.. the release of results.. we went down with Miss Low.. we saw Shasha, Rumai rumai and farah.. they told us that their malay teacher tell them that among the 3 of them, 2 A1 and 1 C5.. they were very worried.. everyone den returned to the hall.. we finally got our results.. when miss Kaur actually congratulated Shasha fro getting A1.. I feel a sense of uncomfortable.. is it that I did not get A1.. or... I seriously was in doubt.. in the end.. we queued up in index number.. we get to know one by one.. suddenly I caught a glance and saw two A1 together.. one of them was Shasha.. but I did not see the other.. in the end.. Miss Kaur told us and I was shocked.. I got a A2.. it maybe surprising to u all that I got A2 and I am crying.. but u dun understand the sense of disappointment when U realised U did not do up to expectations... U actually did not get wat U actually expected.. Tears suddenly started to roll down my cheeks.. I was sad.. disappointed to be exact.. Iris saw me and she came to hug me.. I cried.. really cried because I had not get wat I should and hoped to get.. I did not stop crying.. Miss Soo came to console me.. she say that it was just a one mark difference.. but to a student who definitely will pass her chinese... the one mark is like from A1 one drop to maybe D... I am sad.. super duper sad.. she asked me to work hard for my other subjects.. ya right.. I cried.. U can laughed straight in my face that I am stupid.. silly.. idiotic to cry over spilled milk but u will not understand the sense of sadness.. the image of miss kaur showing me my A2 results had been appearing in my mind.. some of them say that A2 is also good.. no.. not to me.. now Though okay le.. but I kept on crying.. how am I going to face my parents and my sister?.. they may thought I will get good grades for my chinese.. how to face my sister who had high expectations of my chinese.. how to face Miss Low who tink I should get A1... how? how? suddenly all the questions started to pop out.. how?? should I retake?? or should I not??? I cried.. really sad to know that the result of my o level chinese is so bad... maybe u tink that Lilian must be crazy to cry because she got A2.. is she mad??? yes.. I am.. the result did not turn out to be a motivation.. Even my best subject I also cannot get wat I should get.. wat more can I expect for my o levels?? wat more??? I hate myself.. being stupid.. hate it.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... I must be a crazy and stupid idiot.. Suddenly I feel like sleeping.. not facing the reality.. not facing the world.. I wanna sleep and never ever ever again wake up.. I don't have the courage to go on.. I feel taking the plunge.. seriously.. then everyone will cheer cos an idiot has leave the world.. bring away all the contaminations she brought in.. how I wish I can just sleep.. and never again see this world.. how??? Haiz... life may need to go on.. haiz.. okay.. I need to go lau pa sat now.. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....